FULFILLING MY SPOUSE'S EMOTIONAL NEED, FOR BEING LOVED - Part 2

                                

In today’s blog we are continuing the topic we started last week, “Fulfilling My Spouse’s Emotional Need, For Being Loved”.  Today looking at the book “The Five Love Languages” written by Dr. Gary Chapman, we want to understand and know our spouse’s primary love language.  He says when our emotional need for love is satisfied, it is like an invisible love tank is full causing us to be fulfilled in our marriage.  Here is a brief break down of what Dr. Gary Chapman defines as the “Love Languages”:

·         Words of Affirmation - One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build someone up.  Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love.  Saying such things as “You look sharp in that suit,” or, “I really appreciate you washing the dishes tonight”, shows appreciation.  Another way we can express love to our spouse is through words of encouragement.  Encouraging words to our spouse can be the motivation to help us achieve things, and cause us to feel loved.   Kind words speak love to us.  Sometimes it isn’t what we say, but how we say it that speaks love to our mate. Words of affirmation can positively change the emotional climate of your marriage.

·         Quality Time – Another way to express love emotionally is through spending quality time together as a married couple.  This communicates love to our spouse, and fulfills their need for love.  Quality time means giving someone your undivided attention.  This means when you are sitting on the sofa talking with your spouse, you are focusing on what they are saying to you, and not on the T.V.  It means sitting in the restaurant, focusing your attention on listening to your spouse, and not texting or doing things on your cell phone.  Quality time is being together and having quality conversation with someone.  Quality conversation is having dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experience, thoughts, feelings, and desires with each other in a friendly context.  If your spouse’s love language is quality time, taking time out for quality conversation can fill their emotional love tank.

·         Receiving Gifts – A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, my spouse was thinking of me,” or, “She remembered me.”  When a gift is given to someone, it sends a message that he or she was thinking of me.  The gift becomes a visual symbol of an expression of love, which says you are important to me.  People hear the word gifts and they assume we must spend a lot of money on the gift, but it shouldn’t matter because it is the thought behind the gift that counts.  The cost of the gift might depend on the occasion, which will determine how much to spend.   The gift can be as simple as card that says “I love you” for no special occasion, and can fulfill your spouse’s need for being loved.

·         Acts of Service – When I talk about acts of service, I am referring to doing things we know our spouse would like for us to do.  We seek to please our mates by serving them, to express our love for them by doing some service for them.  Acts of service are such things as cooking a meal, washing dishes, cleaning the house, taking out the garbage, washing and cleaning the car, walking the dog, keeping the grass cut, etc.  These things require thought, planning, time, effort, and energy.  If these services are done in the right attitude, they can be expressions of love that will serve your spouse.

·         Physical Touch – Normally when we hear the words “physical touch”, usually we think of sex.  Here “physical touch” pertaining to the “love languages” isn’t limited only to sex.  Dr. Chapman says in his book “Physical Touch is also a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love.  Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one’s spouse.  For some individuals, physical touch is their primary love language.  Without it, they feel unloved.  With it, their emotional tank is filled, and they feel secure in the love of their spouse.”  A special note, if our wife’s primary love language is physical touch, we must realize that every time they respond to our physical touch, it doesn’t mean they want sex.  It is important for us as husbands, to know that practicing physical touch can put our wife in the mood for sex, because of emotionally feeling loved. 

It is good for us to understand our own love language, in order to communicate with our spouse how we feel loved.  The goal for us is to love our mate the way they desire to be loved, and talking to them can help us discover their primary love language.  I would even suggest to you as a married couple to purchase the book “The Five Love Languages”, and go through it together with your spouse.  Next week we will see how we can effectively meet our spouse’s emotional need for being loved through these “Love Languages”. 

Would love to hear your thoughts, questions, or feedback.